I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
