you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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