my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were trust falling into bushes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
