I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize