don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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