I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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