I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
