i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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