then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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