were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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