I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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