my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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