if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize