My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
