why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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