morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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