8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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