their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
