there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
