I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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