This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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