I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
