The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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