Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
