i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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