Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize