So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
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the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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