don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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