Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sex in a hospital.. check
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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