My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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