it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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