3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
