so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
