i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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