At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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