Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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