pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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