Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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