He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize