Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.