Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.