My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.