What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much