Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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