If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf