I'm retarded. Again.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask