GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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