I'm eating all of the evidence.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize