while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
