Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
