i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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