she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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