Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she peed on how many people?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
