Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
