Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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