You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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