I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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