Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
