so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
