You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
