Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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