barbara walters just said penis...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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