So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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