so that wasnt chicken after all
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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