Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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